is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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