the day after is always just damage control
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
