YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
