He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's blow job season.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
