The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
