You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
