oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
