I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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