Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
