i just wanna soil my oats bro
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
