I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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