I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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