I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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