Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
