he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
