Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
