Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
