we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
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