she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
