so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
