She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
