just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
