it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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