I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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