brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
