You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
