he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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