Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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