I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
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The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
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Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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