If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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