My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
