Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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