so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
