I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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