I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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