She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
