real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
