Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
