I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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