It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
