I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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