I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
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stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
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Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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