my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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