he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
