the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Hippo gnu deer
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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