No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
