p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
