hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
