Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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