I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
