drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
