he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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