Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
