U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
