so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
please come you make the beer taste better
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
