Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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