I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Panties = found
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
