Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
