Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
