During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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