When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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