I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My feet surprised me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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