I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
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i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
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Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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