so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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