What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
my liver is dry heaving
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
