She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
im on a boat
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