Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
