Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
